What is Anger and How to Manage our Anger?

What is Anger and How to Manage our Anger?


What is Anger?

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns

destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall

Quality of your life.             


“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”          

ABC’s of Anger

—  A : Antecedent or Anger Trigger:- What stimulated the anger response

—  B : Behavior:- Reaction provoked by anger

—  C : Consequence:-What happened as a result of controlling or not controlling one’s anger.

Anger Becomes a Problem When:

—  Felt too intensely

—  Felt too frequently

—  Expressed inappropriately words, gestures, contact.

—  Results in negative consequences.

     Assault, arrest, losing loved ones, termination from college/work.

—  Results in negative self-confidence Guilt, shame, regret.


Triggers/sources of Anger


—  Specific person (Classmate, Friends, co-workers or supervisor)

—  Event (traffic jam, canceled concert or flight, talking trash about your family, etc)


—  Worrying about personal problems

—  Memories of traumatic events


How to Manage our Anger

Anger Management is a step-by-step process.

There are 5 steps involved in Anger Management.


The very first step of Anger Management is:

Step-1- To identify personal signals of anger

For understanding personal signals of anger, you need to identify below:-

            Identify a range of feelings including anger:-

Embarrassment, Excitement, Disappointment, Jealousy, Fear, Helpless, and Sadness.

Identify aggressive acts by self and others:-

Throw something, Kick someone or something, Get in someone’s face, Shoving, grabbing, hitting, Break something, Call someone names, Give someone a dirty look, Silent treatment, Get others to “gang up”; Spread rumors

Identify the potential consequences to self and others from these aggressive acts:-

Physical harm to someone or self, Destruction of property, Loss of family/friends, Loss of job, Loss of social privileges, Going to Jail, Getting a bad reputation, Identify self-destructive behavior.

Identify thoughts prior to aggressive acts

You did that on purpose…; You wanted to hurt me…; You deserve this…; You never even asked me…; You’re being unreasonable…; You think you’re so good…; I’ll show you…; You started it…

5.                      Identify internal cues to feelings of anger

           Stomach gets tight/upset; Heart is beating faster; Clenching fists; Feel myself getting flushed; Sweaty palms; Clenched jaw..etc.

This is how we can identify and understand our own emotions, and it is important because; without finding the problem, you cannot find the solution.


Step- 2- Identify self-talk techniques

Self talk:- the act or practice of talking to oneself, either aloud or silently.

Self-talk is your internal dialogue. It’s influenced by your subconscious mind, and it reveals your thoughts, beliefs, questions, and ideas.

Why self talk techniques:-

We use this technique, because, when we are angry, no one can make us understand; only we can make ourselves understand.

Lets understand, what we should talk to our self to make us understand when we are angry; so that we can control it.

I am in charge of my own feelings:

  1. I own my feelings.
  2. It is okay to feel angry.
  3. Anger is part of being human.
  4. I learn how to express my anger in helpful ways.

I choose to feel good about myself by expressing my feelings

  1. I express angry feelings in ways that are fair to others and me.

    The more I learn to take care of  my anger the more powerful I become.

  1. I need to control what I do with my anger.
  2. I control how I let my anger out.
  3. I practice cooling off.
  4. I watch my thoughts.

I stop blaming others and myself.

  1. Blaming only keeps people upset.
  2. Blaming is a way of not respecting people.
  3. I express my feelings and then try to work things out.

I take power.

  1. I stand up for myself and others being hurt.
  2. I learn to defeat negative self-talk.
  3. I feel good about learning about myself.
  4. I am strong when I use fair and firm words instead of fists.

These are the kind of Self-talk; that we can do, when we are angry to cool ourselves.


Third step- Check your Anger Meter

For managing our anger; firstly we should know the level of our anger.

Anger Meter will help us in checking the level of anger.

The “Anger Meter” is a simple, but useful tool. This tool helps monitor the degree of anger you’re experiencing so that you can intervene before it’s too late (i.e., you lose control and suffer negative consequences).


Level-1- feeling calm, peaceful, happy

Level- 2- slight irritation, boredom

Level-3- moderately annoyed moderate levels of stress.

Level-4-frequently frustrated and irritated, passive-aggressive behavior.            

Level-5- feeling on the verge of yelling, physical symptoms such as clenching fists, heart racing and feeling hot, frequent thoughts of lashing out.

Level-6- Loss of Control, explosion, Violence-You lose at this point.

With the help of Anger meter, we can decide, when there is a requirement of Anger Management

Step-4- ANGER MANAGEMENT PLANNING                                                             

—  Event: What happened, Degree on Meter

—  Cues: Ways it affected me

—  Strategies: What can I do?

Step-5- Finding the Solution

         Calm down:-

—  Show mutual respect

—  Name the problem

—  Find solutions

—  Choose the best solution

At last, congratulate yourself and Review the solution that was picked.

So, this is a very simple 5 steps process of Managing Anger; give it a try once and let us know if it helps you.

Thank you, Readers!!
















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